October 4, 2007
10 Things that are stupid about The Bionic Woman
I finally watched the first episode of the new Bionic Woman last night. It made me laugh, which is presumably not the desired effect. There were a lot of stupid things about it, here's the top 10:
- Surely Jaime Sommers would have seen the original Bionic Woman on TV and therefore know exactly what was going on?
- Jaime's angst. No legs or bionic legs? Hmmm. Tough decision.
- The fact that a genius scientist who works for a top secret project still lectures at a university.
- The bionic eye has really annoying head up display graphics that look like they're from the sniper rifle in Metal Gear Solid. Is that the best they could do?
- The super fast running through trees looked silly. Go go gadget legs! I was waiting to see her little arms pumping in a blur. It was like a cartoon. See Return Of The Jedi for how to do speeding through trees properly.
- Why do you have to put super weapon chips in her head just to give her new legs?
- The fight.
- That the secret military base is styled on Stargate. If I made a super-secret military base I'd paint it in bright colours, to make it look pretty.
- The "if we let her go it will be better" logic. Unlikely.
- The dialogue. The very bad dialogue:
- "Your hardwired for highly specialised warfare, yes."
- "Welcome to the game"
- "The anthracites in our blood can filter out any impurities in our lungs." (Best smoking excuse I've heard for a while.)
- "Technology is at the point where Science Fiction isn't fiction anymore." (Let me make you up a reading list...)